


Picking up the Pieces

by orphan_account



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Sweetheart, Choose Your Own Adventure, POV Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Reader-Interactive, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24498910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ever wondered what Virgil was up to during POF: SvS Redux? Well, he was sulking in his room after revealing his worst secret to Thomas. However, a series of events show Virgil that he needs to act in order to save his fam I-L-Y.How will his adventure go? You can vote in the comments below!Warnings: Self deprecation and insecurity, sensory overload, self-confinement to room
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 37





	1. The Story Begins

Thwap. Thwap. Thwap. The wiffleball hits the wall, each time bouncing back to Virgil’s hand. With a flick of his wrist, the wiffleball whizzes back to around the same spot each time bouncing back to his palm. Virgil didn’t know how long this had been going on, his phone had died and Roman had the charger, and he had lent Logan the sound machine alarm clock. Virgil needed some noise, and the repetition from the ball fills the void of silence in his room. Also, it gives something for his hand to do. His other hand is working a piece of color-changing putty that Roman had made for him. Right now it is shifting between different shades of purple.

Virgil could leave this room. He could end the monotony of sitting here. But at this point, it just felt like it was too late to leave this isolation. Virgil curses himself for softening, if he hadn’t been accepted, he would be able to just say that he was a dark side. But no, he just had to befriend and catch feelings for the light sides. And then Remus came back and ruined everything. While the others gave him space to sulk, they were soon distracted by the wedding. Virgil was completely and utterly forgotten.

At this point, it wasn’t even worth it to leave the dark side’s commons all those years ago. After all, they did just follow him here. Virgil wonders if it was really as bad as he remembers it. The three of them had a lot of great times in between the straight-up warfare that happened when Remus was feeling extra creative or when Janus would shut them up for hours or even days. Then again, Virgil did his fair share of lashing out. But now, Janus was accepted, Remus and Roman were both separately in the Imagination doing whatever they needed to let off steam, and Logan was nowhere to be seen. Virgil had crept down once or twice to steal a bag of pretzels or a box of granola bars or whatever he could find and grab, only to find Janus and Patton curled up together on the couch. 

Virgil blinks, dropping the wiffle ball. Everything was wonderful, then everything became worse than before. He had a taste of acceptance and he was thrown aside when Thomas learned his dirty secret.

Virgil gets it. Everyone is lashing out from the wedding dilemma. Everyone is working through their own issues. That doesn’t mean that Virgil won’t hold a pity party for himself. He smiles bitterly as he remembers his worries early on, that he was a burden and forcing them into a friendship they didn’t want. Turns out he was right, they dropped him as soon as they could. Not intentionally, though. Patton is far too nice, Roman genuinely has been trying harder, and Logan… Virgil couldn’t exactly explain what Logan was thinking or doing, but he wanted to believe that Logan didn’t hide his hate for Virgil under a thin veneer of sympathy. Virgil pushes off the bed to grab the ball, sticking the putty to his sheets.

Sitting there, trying in vain to pull the putty away from the sheet, Virgil breaks. It starts with a guttural scream and Virgil jumps up, trying to rub the putty stuck to his hand onto his sweatpants. Looking at the sheets, he yanks them off his bed, balling them up and tossing them at the door. The ball, which is rolling under the bed, catches his attention next. Instead of trying to fish it out, Virgil kicks one of the legs of his bed, which is metal, causing him to jump back holding his toe in pain, landing on the large chair that was comfy at one point, now covered in food wrappers, crumbs, dirty clothes, and basically everything else that Virgil wanted off his bed but didn’t have the energy to actually deal with. The trash digs into the bottom of his back where his hoodie cannot protect him. Suddenly, Virgil is hyper aware of every seam in all of his clothing and everything touching his skin. The primary offender of this is the FAM-I-L-Y friendship bracelet tied in a messy knot around his ankle, the bulky beads digging into his skin. His fingers are gripping the bracelet, he realizes too late, before he is yanking at the bracelet. The worn thread cannot handle the stress and it rips, beads spilling around and rolling onto the chair and up his pant leg. Virgil lurches forward, tipping the chair, and he runs to his dresser as the chair clatters to the floor.

Stripping off the offending fabric and tossing it to the ground, Virgil digs around the back of his drawers for his cosiest pyjamas. They had been a holiday gift from Roman after the other sides learned that he often became overwhelmed by sensory overload. Hopping into the smooth fleecy pants, he yanks his closet open, throwing to the side all of the Anxiety merch, fancy outfits, and costumes that are hung up, grabbing the incredibly soft blanket that Patton had given to him. Lastly, he shoves the noise-canceling headphones from Logan onto his head. Even without music, it was better than nothing. 

Virgil is unsure how long he has been lying there, curled up in a ball, but eventually, he stretches out, pushing the blanket off of himself in the process.

Rolling over, Virgil pushes himself onto his knees and then pushes himself to his feet. He walks into the attached bathroom, filling a cup with water and reaching out to pull the sheet off his mirror. Did he want to see what he looked like? He hadn’t put any effort into his appearance in more than a month, and though he had been doing his best to keep his hygiene up, he probably looks like a mess. He sucks in a breath before yanking the sheet down. 

A stranger greets Virgil’s stare. His hair sticks up in different angles, his skin is pastier than usual, and dark eyeshadow smudges under his eyes and tapers off near his chin. Virgil winces at the visage, and the visage winces back. While he was planning on a snack run tonight, now it didn’t seem like a great idea. Only Janus and Remus really knew that his eyeshadow depicted his anxiety levels. At first, he hid it with heavy coats of foundation, drawing on the eyeshadow that he knew the others would expect, but after he was accepted, he could hide it in plain sight. After all, his anxiety wasn’t all that bad until now. But now he ruined everything. He couldn’t let anyone else know how bad he was feeling because he deserved it.

Thomas hated him because he knew Virgil’s past, the others had forgotten him, and he was even more alone than before. Virgil scrambles to cover the mirror again. Exiting the bathroom, glancing to the door, Virgil sighs in relief. Thankfully, the sides’ rooms are all basically soundproof. The only way anyone could hear Virgil’s freakout is if they were outside his door and paying attention. 

Virgil sighs as his eyes sweep the room. It is too messy and cluttered to think. Automatically, he summons a container of trash bags, and pulls out his hamper. He has a lot of work ahead of him. As he shoves dirty clothes into the hamper, he ends up on his belly reaching under his bed for the missing wiffle ball. However, what catches his eyes takes priority over the ball. Pulling himself out from under the bed, he clutches a piece of paper, and once he sits down, he reads the familiar letters. 

“Fam I-L-Y.” Virgil whispers as he reads aloud. While Virgil can submit to the wave of despair that washes over him, he knows he won’t. His fam I-L-Y needs help, and even if he is not the most capable to act, he needs to try. He is the protector after all. The only question is, should he go after Roman and Remus in the Imagination, Logan in his room, or Patton and Janus wherever they are.


	2. Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I definitely should have thought through this more lol

Basically, what I meant to do is ask who Virgil should go to, Roman and Remus in the imagination, Logan in his room, or Patton and Janus (who have gotten a lot closer since the last episode. I would appreciate to hear in the comments.

I realize that I was incredibly vague in Ch 1 and I will be more explicit as to what choices are available at the end of each chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Logan have a meaningful discussion about their feelings. *NOT CLICKBAIT!* *EMOTIONAL*
> 
> See notes for your next choice

After Virgil made himself and his room more presentable, he knew who he had to go to first. Logan. Logan is the only voice of reason in this fam-I-L-Y, and though Virgil doesn’t want to see him right now, he knows he can’t do this without him.

_“You’re just para- expressing an unhealthy amount of concern,”_ Logan’s words echo through his head. Since their debate, Virgil thought that Logan cared about him and wanted to help him, but all of that started to implode in a day. _“It’s you.”_ _Virgil_ is the problem. Even if Logan also said that Patton was the problem, that was just for raising the bar too high, which can be forgiven. 

Remus was right when he said that Virgil could never stop being the bad guy.

But that wasn’t important now. Virgil knows that he has to prove to Logan that his input is important and that Thomas would be hopeless without him. Or, not hopeless. Thomas is currently only running off of Patton and Janus’ influence, the rest have been keeping to themselves. Virgil included. But Logan makes Thomas’s life so much easier. He makes Virgil’s life so much better. And though Virgil is hurt, he needs to put that aside. Virgil won’t get far without Logan. Pushing his door open for the first time in a while, Virgil isn’t completely sure how long, he goes across the hall towards the stairs. The closest door to his is Logan’s, so he finds himself in front of the plain black door, labeled with simple blue letters that read ‘Logan-Logic, Please knock’.

Virgil’s never been one to ignore a sign, so he raps his knuckles on the door. No response. Virgil tries the door and it swings open, looking around briefly. While at first, the room seems empty, Virgil knows to look to the back, at what looks like a closet door. Virgil knows better, crossing the room, opening the door, and entering. This is Thomas’ Library of Thoughts, Memories, and Knowledge. Patton has access to one room, specifically the thoughts and memories, but Virgil is almost positive that Logan had locked him out of the Knowledge Section. Sure enough, Logan was seated at the tables in front of the long shelves of books, typing furiously onto a laptop.

“Hey, L,” Virgil calls, walking a mental minefield between him and Logan. “I haven’t… seen you in a while. What’s… up?”

Logan looks up, glaring at the interruption before recognizing Virgil. “Ah, Virgil, just the side I was hoping to see.”

“Well, I’m here now…” Virgil cautiously approaches the table. “What’s up?”

“I have been working on a guide to show how to do my job during our group conversations. I was hoping that you could take up my role as the ‘voice of reason’, as I don’t see the others taking me seriously or listening to me.”

“I- what?” Virgil’s heart jolts in place. “Why would you- That, I don’t think I could do that.”

Logan frowns, puzzled. “Why not? You have proved that, despite any softness you have shown, you are able to maintain a menacing and composed aura. On the other hand, despite my best efforts, I’ve ruined my reputation beyond compare. The puns, the Crofters, the puppets, everything. Nobody can take me seriously, so I now know I need to sit on the sidelines.”

Virgil gapes at Logan. “You know that you can still be a serious person while having some quirks, right?”

“That is an obvious falsehood,” Logan laughs dryly. “Roman constantly makes a joke out of me, and Patton skipped me.  _ Nobody _ even  _ cared or noticed _ when Janus replaced me!” Virgil watches in shock as Logan’s voice raises. Soon, he is crying furious tears, hitting the table with his fists.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Virgil rushes over. “I’m just going to-” He moves his hands towards Logan’s fists, giving him a chance to move back. He doesn’t, so Virgil cushions the blows with an open palm. Virgil goes to hold Logan’s hand, and Logan grasps Virgil’s hands in return. Massaging Logan’s hands with his thumbs, Virgil shushes quietly in an attempt to calm the side down. “We’ve all been shit to you, so you really have the right to not forgive us, but they definitely  _ at least _ respect you, I mean, you’re the only one that can take us down a peg when we’re going overboard. We all need to listen to you more, you are always right.” Virgil tries not to cry at the reminder of how Logan had called him paranoid. I mean, it was true, after all. “And I’m not trying to say anything about their behavior being ok, but they weren’t brushing you off because your advice isn’t welcome, they were scared because Patton was being confronted by the idea that he’s wrong.”

“I mean, yes,” Logan sniffles, straightening his tie and pushing up his glasses. “But that’s always why they lash out at me. Their own insecurities don’t matter if they continue to ignore me.”

“Hey, look at me,” Virgil murmurs. “Even though you aren’t listened to enough, you are still singlehandedly able to wrangle Remus, Janus, and me; critically filter both Patton and Roman’s ideas and wishes; and make sure that Thomas learns what he needs to. Imagine how much more you can do if everyone is completely valuing your input.”

“But-”

“And if they don’t, I’ll force them. I’m sorry that I don’t listen to you enough.” Virgil says as earnestly as he can.

Logan inhales. “Thank you, Virgil. But, out of everyone, you listen to me the most. You were the only one willing to act as I suggested when we went to Patton’s room, and you were already trying to help me when you were a puppet and everyone was singing- I still don’t understand that. I never truly express how grateful I am for your input.”

“Oh,” Virgil can’t help but look shocked. “I… didn’t know you felt that way. I mean, you said that after I ducked out, but I always thought that you- I mean, I am still a problem.”

“Why would you think… that… oh… oh no,” Realization dawns on his face. “You are referring to our conversation with Remus. I should have realized that you would have been hurt by my remarks, I did not think to check up on you because I heard of what you said to Thomas and assumed you needed space.”

  
  


Now it’s Virgil’s turn to tear up. “But you were right. I’m wrong, and I’m paranoid.”

“Falsehood,” Logan says softly. “You were wrong at that moment, everyone is at some point, even me. And you aren’t paranoid, I was frustrated, you and Patton were fueling each other and not listening. But that doesn’t excuse my hurtful language. And for that, I am truly sorry.”

Virgil grins, puling a sleeved hand to mop his face. “We really do complement each other, hm?”

“I don’t believe I understand.”

“Well, you help me to calm down and think everything through. In turn, I help give you focus and encourage exploring all options. We work well together.”

“Ah, I… like that explanation, thank you, Virgil.”

“No prob, L,” Virgil grins lazily for the first time in weeks. “I’m guessing this means you won’t have me doing your job in group discussions?”

Logan gives Virgil a rare smile. “No, I don’ think I will. Though I suppose it is nice to have a written overview of what I consider my roles and jobs. I guess I should clean up all this clutter.” He gestures to the books and journals crowding the table that he was working on.

“I’m happy to hear that. Sorry to make this all about me in the end, I came here to try to help you.”

“It is quite alright, V, that is what friends do. You can help me when you can and I will do the same. Now, if you don’t mind me asking, what were you hoping to accomplish? You implied that you have a plan to reconnect everyone.”

Well, now is Virgil’s chance. Not only can he decide his next step, but he can get Logan’s help going forward. The only question is: how much does Virgil want to ask of Logan, and where will he go next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how much should Virgil ask Logan to help? Should he not, ask for advice/tools and/or ask for Logan to join him? Basically, should Logan come with or try to help at all?
> 
> Secondly, should Virgil go to Roman and Remus, or Patton and Janus? And which in either pair should he focus on?
> 
> Also, my brain said Analogical rights, I hope that's ok

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a vent, but when I came back to it when I felt better I was like... you could make a story out of this.
> 
> I also don't know where I'm going with this so I'll let whoever comments decide. I guess I'll give it a week or two before I start writing, but I really don't know how much attention this will get.


End file.
